How would it be to wake up one day and find both you and your partner have lost your argumentative streaks and are living in peace every hour every day? Maybe you’d say it sounds idealistic, fantastical and ultimately, far from reality, right? However, with a little effort, we can all learn to prevent arguments or to deal with them positively, should they happen once in a while. And trust me, achieving a bickering-free state with your partner is not half as difficult as it sounds.
When a relationship is new, couples tend to be more accepting and suppress their anger, jealousy, irritation and other negative emotions to maintain harmony. Once a relationship has reached a certain level of comfort and couples no longer feel the need to put their best feet forward is when the arguments start.
Arguing couples are of two kinds – those who jump at a fight at every given opportunity and those who bottle them up for a volcanic eruption every once in a while. Which is a better approach? Neither! Some useful tips to prevent arguments are discussed below.
- More often than not, it is the feeling of not being appreciated enough that results in arguments. When a person feels that he isn’t loved by his partner enough or isn’t valued or respected, he feels he is being taken for granted.
Usually, it takes either your ego or your tendency to blame the other to give rise to arguments. If you have erred, do not let your ego come between you and your partner and tear you apart. If you feel you have been wronged, check your tendency to talk in accusatory tones and put the blame on the other. Try to analyse what made him react in a way that you consider rude or inconsiderate. Also, it is best to let go off the need to feel ‘right’ and ‘just’ all the time. Keep the bigger goal in mind.
- Letting go off blame and ego doesn’t mean bottling negativity only to be brought up in another argument at another point of time. Truly letting go means the will to forget things and move on, even though in your heart you knew you were right.
This doesn’t mean you should accept everything your partner says or does. Communicate clearly (without raising voice, accusing or being sarcastic) and move on.
- One of the advantages of being in a long term relationship is the ability to predict your partner’s mood without them having to say a word. Once you sense a bad/stressed mood, refrain from questioning, complaining or any other negative commentary. By this time, you’d be able to tell whether he wants to be left alone on days like this or welcomes sympathy. Bite your tongue, hold back and let the moment pass.
- They say positivity is contagious. So, you sense he isn’t in the best of moods. He has had a long day and seems to be frustrated about something he doesn’t want to talk about. Don’t fill him in with mundane details or irritants. Stay positive and talk about something nice.
Make sure you don’t belittle his feeling and act frivolous about his problems.