What is the foundation of any healthy relationship? Whether you ask a counsellor or a commoner on the streets, the answer you are going to hear repeated more often is trust. While a list of attributes constitutes a happy, healthy relationship between two or more individuals, it is trust that tops it.
Be it romantic or otherwise, it is essential for the people involved to have utmost trust in each other irrespective of the nature of the relationship. Trust can become a big issue. Often, it is the decisive factor that seals the fate of a relationship and separates the short term affairs from the ones meant for life.
Our trust issues are often a result of our conditioning. The culture we have been brought up on, our experiences in the past can all affect how readily we trust someone and how willing we are to accept their word without slipping into suspicion. For example, a betrayal in the past or witnessing disloyalty practiced by friends and family members can make it difficult for a person to trust his partner, despite the reassurances provided.
It has been observed that people who do not trust themselves tend to be more suspicious of others. People who know that it is easy to be unfaithful or those who have given in to temptation in the past (however fleetingly) struggle to trust their romantic partners.
Another reason why we find trusting our partners difficult is because of our low self-esteem. Our own self-worth and character judgement makes us question the love that is being showered on us. People with low self-esteem cannot help but think their partners would soon find out they are not good enough and fall for someone better-suited. Though frivolous sounding, such thoughts can wreck an otherwise normal relationship.
Working on it
Nothing can secure us against having a relationship wherein we are cheated. Nothing can erase what we have witnessed in the past either. But it helps to remember that we have as many chances of having cheating partners as we have chances of having loving and faithful ones. Also, it is true – certain traits in us can push our partners to cheat. This also depends on how we define cheating.
For example: We demand that our partners tell us every little detail of their daily lives, especially when they are going out without us. When they do tell us, we react negatively to things such as their interactions with the opposite sex. This prompts them to hide such things in the future, resulting in lies. And if we do find out through other sources, we feel cheated and betrayed.
This is a trap and our misery is our own doing. The key here is trust. We need to work on ourselves, not on our partners. Also, we need to trust our partners and their judgement and not try to restrict their freedom. It is human nature to be tempted to go for the forbidden fruit.